


Life after heathers-Veronica sawyer

by Veronicajdjanis



Category: Heathers, Heathers The Musical - Fandom, jasondean, jd - Fandom, veronica sawyer - Fandom
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-27
Updated: 2018-10-27
Packaged: 2019-08-08 04:17:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16422251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Veronicajdjanis/pseuds/Veronicajdjanis
Summary: This is life after heathers written by Veronica sawyer in diary entries!





	Life after heathers-Veronica sawyer

Dear diary, June 7, 1990

I'm not sure where I am. 

It's dark in here.

I can't see anything, it's like I was just kidnapped or something. 

If I was kidnapped there would be a little bit of light though, maybe filtering through a bag over my head like in those movies I watch with Martha and Mac. 

We call Heather Mcnamara "Mac" now so she can identify as someone other than a Heather.

Being a heather isn't what it used to be, now.

It's too dark to be real. The darkness is a blackness, that only one kind of place is a place where it lives

And that place is a human mind. 

My mind. 

And maybe someone else's mind, but he's gone so it doesn't count. 

The kind of blackness in someone's mind, that is derived from the pain of the past, the suffering of yourself that drains the light from you. Its a gaping hole in your body that only you yourself can see. I'm going to sink into it any minute, and It's just waiting for me to jump and give myself up. I think that I might just let it suck me in, let go of myself. 

What do I have to live for?

The world around me is completely blacked out. I'm completely isolated and alone.

That's something I'm familiar with. 

I'm just so weak.

Every piece of my body is becoming numb, it's slowly sinking into the black waters below. 

And then I see light.

Everything is starting to feel familiar, everything in this fantasy is getting brighter. I can move again, I can see. I close my eyes to brace myself.

When my eyes open I am sitting on a very familiar lumpy couch. It's really soft, and I am halfway sunk in. I'm still adjusting to the light so I keep my eyes squinted. 

I can't see much.

There is very vibrant light source directly in front of my face, and an object kind of in front and below the light. 

I blink.

Now that my eyes are completely adjusted, I can see where I am. There's a tv, and a coffee table. All of the pillows from the couch seem to be strewn about on the floor. I notice a few pictures of a young girl with brown curly hair and another girl wearing a familiar unicorn sweatshirt in the frames. 

This is my house.

How did I get here?!

I was just in a black void of my own depression and now...?

What does that mean? 

I decide that I should look around more.

The usually completely clear coffee table in front of me is covered with a bunch of chili fries that dripped all over it. 

My mom would DIE if she saw this, especially with her OCD.

They look like they were just bought from some sort of teen joint, like an arcade down the street. 

I decide to look at the brownies on the table and grab one. They are soft and fresh, and they make my mouth water. I'm kind of hesitant.

 

What if they are poison?

I eat one.

They're freshly baked.

All around me I start to see things like empty beer cans, a deck of cards with a chip case, a bowling membership card and BBQ corn nuts.

The TV reflects off of my eyes and I look up to see a video game playing, and not a show. Then I notice the controller in my hand. 

How did that get there?!

This can't be real, could it? 

Everything in this place is what I want, and what I don't want all at the same time.

The screen in front of me is blaring with the noises of mrs.pac man, who is sitting still. I move the little knob on the controller. She moves. I begin to catch the slightly bigger white orbs. It seems that when I eat those, I can destroy the ghosts that are chasing me. I also see mr. pac man on the screen, who is single handedly killing all of the ghosts. 

How did that get there? 

His gameplay is very strategic and planned. Every turn is with thought, every maneuver with skill.

I look to my side. 

I see more chilli fries and-

Slushies. 

Its him.

He's supposed to be dead. 

What the f*ck is going on!?

I sit there in silence just taking him in:

J.D's sitting right next to me with a handful of doritos. His black hair is messily swept forward on his face, which is covered with cheese powder.

His seductive emerald eyes sparkle with determination, as his mouth curls into his signature grin.

"Veronica..... What's wrong? You've been just staring at me for the last few minutes... something on your mind?."

I look into his eyes.

He's so real.

No, he... he can't be...no.

Yes.

I want him to be.

But I don't?

I can't deny the fact that I wished that he was still alive.

And now he is.

As much as I want to hate him, as much as I despise him for what he did and what he made me do, l miss him.

I still love him.

I don't think I ever stopped.

I immediately jump into him and hug into his chest as hard as I can. 

He Is real.

He smells like mint and he makes my whole body tingle.

I dont let go for awhile. 

We just sit there in silence while tears pour down my face.

I guess we are finally becoming seventeen now.

But at what price?

J.D. finally breaks the silence.

"Veronica, whats gotten into you today?"

My eyes flutter.

"I.... I just really missed you..."

"It's only been a day Veronica... but I've missed you too. That trip with my dad was lousy. I've especially missed doing this..."

He grabs my waist and hugs me too him.

I start to kiss him.

It's the best feeling in the world.

What I'm doing, it's the worst thing I could possibly do. 

I'm going to hell now.

But I don't care.

I should care.

He killed three innocent people out of hate. 

But I had to make this moment last.

Even if I don't know how this happened, if its an evil trick, it doesn't matter.

I have him for this moment.

That's all that matters.

As we continue to kiss, I accidentally smashed my hand into the bowl behind me for support.

"Wha-"

Why are my hands wet...?

What- what is this!?

I raise my hand closer to my face to see red hot blood dripping from my fingers.

I scream. 

"What the F*CK J.D?! What is this?!"

He isn't answering

His grip gets a lot tighter. 

Too tight.

I start to squirm and he's not moving.

"Let- urgh- me go!"

His hands grasp my shoulders and I feel the blood rush to my feet. 

"J..J.D?"

He looks down at me and I see that his eyes are blood red. 

"Veronica, you knew what you were getting yourself into."

I don't know what to say.

My mind won't let my mouth produce words.

"Fine, if that's how you want to be. Let's go."

"Wha-where!?"

J.D picks me up and drags me around the couch. 

My living room slowly transforms into a red, broken world.

Almost, apocalyptic.

Dunes of red sand roll over hills, while storms break into the sky above.

J.D did this.

"You...YOU did this!!!"

He starts to laugh.

"You think I did this!? I could never accomplish such beauty in this world! That's flattering, it really is. This isn't even this world, I'd say. It's the underworld, sweetheart. Say hi to the devil."

He starts to wave down to the floor.

I can't move. 

I could easily get away but my limbs won't make a single twitch

Smog folds all over the land and it transforms the floor into even more death. 

"Look at what we have accomplished together!"

His gun then traces the tip of my neck and he pulls me to look to the floor, where a pile of bodies sits. I scream, as I see Heather Chandler rise from the pile, her eyes a disturbingly unnatural blue.

The same color as Draino.

She floats towards me and grabs my hand. 

"We get it Veronica, we really do."

Kurt and Ram both rise up from the pile. Their gunshot wounds are still fresh.

"Yeah, we really do"

Heather smiles sinisterly

"I mean, we really do understand how selfishness can take over! You joined J.D, and that was it. His charm and love for you was more important than the greater human good! "

J.D lets go of me and he looks normal again. 

I cant trust him.

"Veronica..... Please.... Join me again. Remember...the only way for the world to be a better place to is remove the bad souls and put them in HELL!"

I look away with a tortured expression and I can't fight the nauseous sensation in my body.

"Veronica, I'll buy you a slushie. Let's get out of here. There's another person we can put on our list now....."

I can't do this.

Heather, Kurt, and Ram are all closing in.

I have to choose.

A life with J.D, where I have true love but the blood of innocents on my hands, or a life of death with the three people I killed but free of any more lives lost.

J.D honestly is scaring me.

But I don't want to die. 

The selfish or unselfish choice.

The blood on my hands from before starts to thicken, and more starts to flow through the spaces between my fingers.

Heather looks anxious.

"Veronica..."

J.D looks at me straight in the face with his most loving expression.

"Veronica, please, come with me."

I feel a wet tear stream down my cheek. 

"I love you.

Goodbye J.D."

I grab Heathers hand and I get pulled into the storms above.

I wake up in a cold sweat, screaming my lungs out.

Now is a good time to get those pills from the cabinet.

I rush into the bathroom over my mounds of unclean clothes, and temporarily get dizzy from a head rush. 

Sh*t.

I have to sit for a minute, but eventually all of the spots disappear. The bathroom light burns my eyes but I don't care, because the thing that the cabinet holds is the thing I need the most. I unhinge all of the locks and find a bottle labelled PTSD pills. I hold the bottle in my hand and the world spins while my hands are shakily rattling the little capsules inside the cylinder. I uncap it and take out two of the pills, which I forcefully take down with a gulp of water. I usually can't take pills down without thinking about them touching my tongue.

It always takes me a few tries to get them down.

That's not what happens right now. 

They rush down my throat and find their way to the bottom of my stomach.

I hurry back to my bed and glance at the clock. 

4:00 am

Not as bad as last night.

I stare at the ceiling and my mind numbs with the satisfaction of drugs. Every memory I have ever had slowly evaporates, waiting for me to wake them up for the morning and unlock their pain. It all goes away. Even the parts I want to stay leave me.

So, Diary, It's been a day since High School ended, and I'm in the same place I was before.

Losing everything that makes me who I am.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys liked it! New chapters coming soon!


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